We often wait to talk with Death until a tragedy, a diagnosis, an unforeseen act flips our life on end and forces our gaze toward our own, or a loved ones, disappearance. It’s no surprise, that for many, experiencing a major life event is our primary introduction to Death.

We live in a Death denial culture that focuses on life at all costs...we go to “war” with cancer…we buy the latest biometric device to “optimize” our health…we take endless supplements to build an impenetrable immune system…we live our lives as though tomorrow is guaranteed. And when our body does breakdown (it eventually will) or when tragedy strikes, so often we are shocked and in disbelief. How could this have happened? How could it have been prevented? Why me? Why you? Why them? Why now? There may be answers that can help make sense of those questions, but just as likely the questions remain and any answers feel random at best. 

I consciously began my own inquiry into death and dying in reaction to the quick and painful death of my Father. Despite all of my many years of training in bodywork, meditation and healing arts, I felt wholly unprepared for his passing - both in its emotional impact and its logistical one. Until this experience, I never understood that one could “study” death and dying or that one could “prepare”  both emotionally and logistically. It was a rough initiation, indeed. 

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That was over 10 years ago and I have been dancing with this conversation ever since. Building capacity through grief work, somatics and meditation, gaining experience through my own personal losses, hospice work and end of life trainings and receiving wisdom through the many spiritual teachers, death workers and threshold guides that have gone before us. We have so much support to help us reconnect with what we already know how to do. I mean, really, we were born for this….We were born to die.

These bodies are made to be finite, permeable and transformational. Just as the seasons both compost and renew, our very biochemical and energetic nature is to shed and grow, to begin and end and begin again.

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As a certified Death Doula and End of Life explorer, I’m committed to helping ease the path to normalizing death, dying and grief through art and community. Death need not be something to fear, in fact, when we open ourselves to face our own mortality, we begin to prioritize what's important in our lives, we tend to live with more empathy and gratitude, we build resilience and deep presence.

We can create a conversation with Death, well before our actual dying. We can build capacity to face our fears, ideas and historical experiences of death. And while preparing to meet them, knowing that none of us will really know how or when we will die and how we will ultimate receive it. 

There is wisdom here. There is wisdom in getting into relationship with our own dying. 

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